Just me putting my thoughts out there in hopes that someone has some insight.
Published on June 20, 2008 By scoutjamal In Life Journals

Yesterday, I got an email from the local radio station saying that I had won 2 tickets to the "True Colors" Concert in Dallas (For those who don't know, this is an awesome event that raises money and awareness about hate crimes and the need for Equality.  Cyndi Lauper headlines and has some awesome groups and folks with her).  So, I won some tickets to the concert on Sunday. 

So, today I'm thinking about change and just how you never know how things are gonna look. 

You see, this will be my second time to go to True Colors.  I went last summer too.  Last summer, I got the tickets from my partner for my birthday.  She set up a scavenger hunt kinda deal with clues for me to guess what my gift was.  We went to different places (Olive Garden, Starbucks, etc.) where I got to open up the clues to figure out that we were going to the concert.  I was super excited (I think Cyndi Lauper is one of those 80s icons that you should see if you have the opportunity).  My partner was so thrilled that I was so pumped up - you could see it in her face and her eyes!  I had never been to a lot of concerts and so for days we were excited to get away together and go see the show.  We drove up to Dallas for the concert, stayed in this super nice hotel downtown, ate out, drank margaritas at the concert, sweated our asses off and had a BLAST!

Now, here I am one year later.  I'm going to the concert with the same person, but now they are my friend and housemate.  There was no romantic scavenger hunt.  There was no look of happiness knowing that you had made the other person's day.  We pass each other in the common spaces of our house, at times barely speaking.  There was a lot of awkwardness about the concert, but of course she's who I would want to go with me!  She is my best friend, and my fellow lover of all music 80s.  This time, we will drive up to Dallas, see the concert and come home.  No nice hotel.  No enjoying just being alone together. Hopefully, we will be at ease and just enjoy hanging out together.  Hopefully, it won't be so awkward. 

But it makes me think about how different things are than they were a year ago. Honestly, it makes me sad.  Things seemed so great then - laughing and people watching at the concert, enjoying one another.  It's hard to imagine some days that we are where we are now.  That day in Dallas at the concert I would never in a million years have fathomed that a year from that point my life would have changed so much. 

Yes, some changes are for the best.  I know that.  But what a swift kick in the pants to my heart and ego - what a very big real reminder that what I had built my life around is gone.  We are sorting through the rubble of all of it right now and I just pray that our friendship remains.  Whatever happens, we will always have Cyndi Lauper -----

"Who Let In The Rain"

Things like this
Can always take a little time
I always thought
We'd be together down the line
We start to fight
And can't get over what was said
'Cause you see black and white
And I see red

And I wonder who let in the rain
You know without you
I'm not the same
When love gets strong
People get weak
Sometimes they lose control
And wind up in too deep
They fall like rain
Who let in the rain

I make the bed and cover
Where you used to sleep
I'm smoothing over promises
Made in these sheets
I envy lovers passing by
Out on the street
'Cause what they have
I couldn't keep

And I wonder who let in the rain
You know without you
I'm not the same
When love gets strong
People gets weak
Sometimes they lose control
And wind up in too deep
They fall like rain
Who let in the rain...


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