Just me putting my thoughts out there in hopes that someone has some insight.
scoutjamal's Articles In Life Journals
June 23, 2008 by scoutjamal
Ok, on my last blog, I wrote about how I was going to see Cyndi Lauper and the True Colors tour on Sunday.  I was really curious to see how I would feel when I was there - This was my second trip to True Colors, but my life looked so different than it did on my last visit.  Last year, I was there with the love of my life.  This year, she was going to the concert with me as my roommate.  Last year, True Colors was so powerful to me.  But my life looks so different now!? H...
June 20, 2008 by scoutjamal
Yesterday, I got an email from the local radio station saying that I had won 2 tickets to the "True Colors" Concert in Dallas (For those who don't know, this is an awesome event that raises money and awareness about hate crimes and the need for Equality.  Cyndi Lauper headlines and has some awesome groups and folks with her).  So, I won some tickets to the concert on Sunday. 

So, today I'm thinking about change and just how you never know how things are gonna look. 

June 19, 2008 by scoutjamal
Last night, I was writing in my journal, trying to be positive and upbeat about where my life is right now.  I started thinking about a relationship that I had in high school.  It was probably, without question, a teenage experimental love affair.  Both of us were in crazy places, struggling with things that, at the time, we didn't even know had a name.  When it ended, i was devestated.  I cried. I wrote really bad poetry (Don't worry, I don't have it anymore so I won't ...
June 17, 2008 by scoutjamal
Today, I had a brief moment of clarity and I want to capture it in words before it is gone. 

As I mentioned in my blog yesterday, I was wrestling with making a decision that was totally against my character.  Well, today that decision came at me again - head-on.  Fortunately, circumstances prevented me from making a poor choice.  But with that came some clarity for me. 

Yesterday, I was talking about my dilemmas with figuring out who I am now that so much of me has...
June 17, 2008 by scoutjamal
The past month of my life has been pure hell on earth.  Some days, I feel confident that I will get through it.  I feel confident in the fact that I will survive.  I feel like one day it will all make sense.   Other days, I feel like I cannot go on for another minute - that the hurt I feel is so real and raw that I will cry and never stop.  On those days, I cannot fathom my present reality and hope seems lost.

I feel crazy. (I think my friends think I'm crazy too...
June 16, 2008 by scoutjamal
Ok. Well, here I am.....trying out the blog on the world-wide web!  I've blogged a few times on MySpace, but the only folks who can access that are my friends.  So, this is going to be something new and a little scary.

Just an brief overview....3 weeks ago, my partner of 3 years ended our relationship a few days before we would have celebrated our 3 year anniversary.  She told me that she was not gay and had never felt gay, that she had always had one foot out the door of our r...